Midlife Crisis

I’m 42 years old now. I’m trying to plan a midlife crisis but it’s really hard to when I don’t know exactly when I’m going to die. What if I start a midlife crisis today and end up being hit by a truck tomorrow? Then it will have been a latelife crisis and I’ll look like a complete idiot. Or, if I start today and live until I’m 109, it will look like I really suck at math, and again I will look like a complete idiot. I need to time this right. If I start today then I must make sure I’m dead by this time in my 84th year of existence. That’s the only way I can see coming out of this ahead as a winner.

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Separation of Politics and Comedy?

Much of my comedy has been weird one-liners. But, I’m a super political person and I keep wanting to branch out into more political comedy. How is that going, you ask? Not great. I haven’t actually been able to make it work on stage yet. It hasn’t gelled. I have a bit of work to do on that.

I wasn’t sure if I should do political stuff on this blog. My other blogs are almost exclusively political or discussing this or that current or not so current event. I thought I would try and separate the two. But if I am going to actually do political humour, then I guess I can’t really keep the two separate, can I? So, it looks like my posts on this blog are set to be a little heavier than I intended at first. Maybe?

Anyway, how’s that Donald Trump working out for everyone?

Ya, ya, ya….I know

Holy geez. When I started this blog I was sure it would be a blog I would keep up with. I haven’t. I lied. I lied almost as if my last name were Trump. First name Donald. Middle initial J. That’s how bad I lied. Mind you, unlike the actual Trump, Donald J. I am admitting that I lied. I’m not presenting this as an alternative fact of some sort. That would be kind of pointless because it’s obvious that there aren’t a million people here….I mean, that I haven’t actually written anything on these pages in, like, forever.

Anyway, for now, I shall end this here. I promise I will write more sooner. And as I say that, I am sure you know what I mean. It means I will make another blog post in a few months or so telling you how much I have neglected this blog. That’s all this blog is going to be. It will only be posts about how I haven’t posted in a long time. Exciting, eh?

Well, I’ve completely ignored THIS thing.

Gosh almighty. I almost forgot I had this thing. But, I do. I do have it. I just haven’t written in it in a while for whatever reason. What is that reason? I dunno. Whatever. My brain hasn’t been too into the funny stuff in a while, I suppose. Been more focused on the writing I’m doing for Reverb Press which is a news website in the US. Given the election at all, I’ve been pretty darn busy with that. And, frankly, given the results of the election, there isn’t much to laugh about. Dear lawrd, what happened there, people? WHAT HAPPENED? I mean, come ON! Trump? Seriously?? Yup….seriously. FFS as the kids write.

Parental Warning about Mad Max Fury Road

I loved Mad Max, but I don’t think parents should be taking their kids to see this movie. There is a terrible message about seat belt safety that is prevalent throughout the flick. Not once did I see a single person buckle their seat belt. Not ONCE. And the result? Plenty of unnecessary vehicular deaths! Unacceptable! Buckle up kids. Don’t end up to be a dusty, burned out corpse in a post apocalyptic desert setting.

Frickin’ Kids And Their Frickin’ Dirty Mouths

I was taking my son to school today and there were some older kids in the playground and one of them used the ol’ F word in a very loud way. So, I told him, “Hey, there are kids around, eh!”, as in, don’t say that. So, the kid got a little mouthy about it and such. So, what I WANTED to say to him was “Look, you little f’in snot nose f’in brat. Stop mother f’in bein’ and f’in little snot nose mother f’in snot nose kid with a snot nosin’ mother f’in snot nose attitude, you f’in mother f’in mofo bastard child. I’ll take that f’in F word and shove it up your mother f’in ass and you’ll never mother f’in say another snot nosed, bratty, bastarly f’in F word ever f’in again. Mofo!” But, fortunately, I didn’t.

Feeling ignored?

Wow, have I neglected THIS blog. It’s almost like I don’t even care about it. But I do! I do! I’ve just been trying to actually make some money with writing, and as a result I was kind of all like not writing on this blog. I’m so selfish that way.